I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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