I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
