This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
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It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
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A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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