So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
