I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
