Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
