She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
