Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
