you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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