The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
