dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
