She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize