Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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