Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
