So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
