shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
