im six kinds of drunk right now
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
