Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
