I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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