his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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