She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
