I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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