Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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