I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
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Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
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Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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