you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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