I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I am available for nakedness
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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