this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
