did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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