Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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