If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
