Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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