We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
