I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
