I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
