please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
