my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
