I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
