Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
