The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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