there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
