Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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