she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
