you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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