she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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