In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
