Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
