I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
