i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
babies were throwing up all over the place
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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