so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You made out with two different species that night
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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