He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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