I CAN MOONWALK!
...so i touched it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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