cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
