Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
