Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
