I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
third nipple confirmed
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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