I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
