GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
