Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
