i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
