I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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